I’m thinking that any of you reading this are smart, have struggled to learn and find out how to help your Self, and may even know that “thinking you’re fat” is a clearly articulated symptom. Feeling ashamed of weight, “fat,” extra body poundage, etc. is not the core issue, is it. So what is the core issue? There are countless varieties, and yet most of them boil down to one word, one thing: feelings. Issues involving weight are most always about either avoiding intense feelings or trying to creating soothing feelings of some sort. Foods ( and fake foods) create powerful chemicals in our brains, and “change the subject,” so to speak. So when a big wad of chocolate or a mouthful of potato chips fills one’s mouth, you (or I) are no longer thinking about how sad, in pain, or angry we really might be. We’re in chocolate or salt “heaven” for the moment. The next moment we might be feeling annoyed at ourselves, fearful that we just gained 10 pounds, or ashamed that we “are fat.”
If we’d somehow be able to wait a few seconds or minutes, breathe in, and ask ourselves, “Really—what’s going on in me—what am I feeling?—then we’d have half a chance to step into a loving space with ourselves. Yup…a loving space. I did say that. Isn’t that what reaching for smooth, creamy chocolate is all about or crunching into that delicious handful of chips? Aren’t we trying to be loving to ourselves, albeit in a slightly “off the mark” way? I say, “off the mark” because we’re aiming at the wrong organ. It’s our hearts that need comfort rather than our mouths. But we’re funny creatures, arent we. Our hearts hurt, and instead of talking about it, or being with ourselves in a very kind and nurturing way, many of us head for the kitchen or secret snack drawer in the bedroom . Food becomes the substitue soother or good mother we may not have had, or the accepting dad that wasn’t. Food can become a good/bad friend who promises to cheer us up, yet one who eventually turns on us, becoming flesh we don’t want and don’t need. Alas, it always there in ways many people weren’t.
We may have experienced very, very difficult things in life, (various forms of severe abuse), which produce enormous shame, its accompanying cousin/conduit, rage, great fear and distrust of people, plus an ongoing sense of grief. One’s childhood can be so intruded upon by ill others that it is virtually lost. Depression results, or a child can run around with a feeling of not being right in the world. Children (and adults) can only stand so much of that, and will try to soothe or ramp down those kinds of powerful feelings; stuffing them down with food is common among teens who live in very difficult homes. Sometimes the dinner table is an active war-zone, where verbal attacks on family members are lobbed between food bites. This kind of energy is noxious and highly disturbing to healthy digestion, of course—becoming fertile ground for eating disorders—particularly over-eating. No wonder!
Now, if you haven’t thought about these kind of underlying issues/feelings as being powerful propellers toward food, I’m sure you do now. Remember the last time you felt anxious and ran towards the fridge? Remember when you were worried and couldn’t sleep, and got up to eat? What was going on inside of you? It’s such an important question to ask of ourselves—in an interested, loving way: what am i feeling—what’s going on in me?
Have you seen the new TV program, “How to look good naked?” I haven’t, but I’ve seen the ads. I LOVE the concept! The point of the show, as far as I can tell from the ads, is this: learn to love yourself just as you are, now…in your birthday suit! It looks to me that these women go from feeling shy and ashamed of their bodies, to feeling happy to love themselves. I’m for that, no matter what size we are. The trick is this: if you (and I) really, really, really will look deep down inside and stare at the issue at hand (buried under any food or any fat), we’ll find ourselves looking at someone who wants us to love them. It’s us. It’s our truest Self wanting genuine love and acceptance from our wise, loving Self. What we don’t want is a mean old Judge, a Critic, a punitive Mom or Dad, or any other kind of monster-meany. We want love. That’s it…we are hungry for loving kindness and self-acceptance.
So, are you willing to start loving yourself? Are you willing to stop calling yourself fat? Are you willing to learn the language of self-sticking-up, and self-support? Of course you are; it feels so good. I coach myself to do this all the time, and writing to you helps as well. I couldn’t know about this so well, now could I, if I hadn’t struggled myself. It’s such a wonderful challenge: loving ourselves each day, each hour.
More soon.
Tags: abuse, avoiding feelings, core issues, eating disorders, fat, love, stuffing, symptoms, weight
