Take One Small Step

Another key to closing the gap is to take extremely small steps so you don’t scare the beegeebers out of your Self.  More accurately, if you can “sneak past” and not wake up your primitive brain—your amygdala—by changing in ways that don’t seem too threatening (to this flight/fight mechanism), this will serve you well.  Small steps are the way to tiptoe past your fear/primitive alarm center. 

The amygdala may trigger thinking in a part of your Self that is convinced about big change causing disaster; primitive thinking likes to keep things the same.  For some of us, change is perceived as an enemy to this prehistoric, fight/flight section of our “knogen.”  We need to creatively and judiciously create pathways to change that actually work.  In the little, wonderful book, One Small Step Can Change Your Life, the author explains this in clear detail.  (Go google it and see!) 

The essence of the message is this:  take tiny steps that won’t scare you and derail your progress.  Take small steps repeatedly, consistently, and you will have less of a chance of waking up your amygdala or your inner gremlins that shriek, “STOP…don’t change!”  You then may stay freer of negating gap-keepers, like “Who do you think you are, trying to do that big, wonderful thing?”  (Sound like anyone in your history?  Well, of course.  Or it’s some modification of messages that kept you from reaching too high, too far, too wide.)

You get to change, reach high, reach wide and far—as far as your precious heart wishes.  Just do it in ways that don’t set off inner alarm buttons that will then derail you or stop you in your tracks:  small steps are the key.  This is one way you can keep closing a gap between where you are and where you wish to go. 

What creates the “Gap”?

Gaps are unique to each person 

Well, there are many possibilities, of course.  Your own “gaps” will be unique to you, although you may have something that creates gaps in common with hundreds/thousands of people.  You are not alone.  That isn’t supposed to make you feel any better…it’s simply a reminder that when many, many hundreds of people have similar gaps caused by similar forces, there are potentially hundreds of people who may have also found gap closures solutions.  You can too!  And we can truly learn from one another and gain inspiration about closing the gap that exists between what we deeply want and manifesting it in real life. 

For example, how could I possibly write this Blog if I were free of gaps?  Not!  I’m an expert on gaps because I’ve experienced many gaps myself, and I actively set out to bring (1) where I am in concert with (2) what I want to manifest in the future.   (Can you tell that music is made when that happens? )

Your Gap Exercise

You just did the little gap exercise I suggested below, no doubt.  You have the one thing you’d like to do or manifest on the left side of the page (constructive statement about where you are now), and on the right side of the page, you wrote down what this one thing will look like after the gap is closed.  You may have had fun doing it!  AND you have a one-two inch empty column between where you are now and where you wish to be/go.  That column signifies the gap, of course.  So you did your exercise.  Good for you!  And you may have had some ideas about what to put in the gap column…things, obstacles, decisions or influences that keep what is desired from manifesting.   About that one thing you want to manifest, put down what you think keeps you from it in the gap column.   If you don’t know, put down what it might be if you did know.  Use your intuition, imagination and Self-knowledge.

Did you put things down like:  ”I can’t do it,” “I don’t know how,” “It won’t work,” “If only I had the money,” “It’s too late…I’m too old,” “I wouldn’t know where to start,” “It’s just so overwhelming,” “My _________ won’t let me.” ?  Did you?  O.K.  If you did, notice what mindset you may be speaking from:  a discouraged mindset, an “I need to find out” mindset, a victim mindset, a giving-away-your-power mindset, and the famous, “If only…” mindset.  Do any of these pop up on your gap radar screen?  Just notice…don’t judge yourself.  Just notice.  “Hmmm….I didn’t realize I felt so discouraged, even before I took a step,” you might hear yourself say.  Or, “I need help figuring out which next step to take so I don’t get overwhelmed.”  That’s good:  realizing is key.  We want awareness to build so we can gain clarity about what you want, informaton aboutwhat stops you, and inspiration to plan and move you forward.  This is partly how we work with gap-closure.

Influences and Decisions

Sometimes, without consciously realizing it, things we want to attain become forbidden.   For example, if a very bright child was ridiculed when using her smarts in school or at home, or if she was shamed in any way about her natural talent, she may have decided that it is forbidden to show or use her genius.  So, we can see the inner conflict she may have if she wants to pursue rocket science.  It may be more important to her to avoid shame and humiliation than pusue her dream.  This old influence may lead her to make limiting decisions that sustain a gap existing between her desire and her designed life. 

When she finds her Life and Spiritual Coach, she discovers that her dream is still alive, and that with a positive focus, support from her coach, and carefully designing her “delicious” life , she pursues her beloved dream in graduate school and beyond.  Yahoo!  With careful step by step planning, she totally closes the gap between her soul’s longing and its manifestation.   She redecies to use  and enjoy her gifts, blessing the world in the process. 

Closing Gaps too quickly is not healthy gap closure 

Hurrying to close a gap too quickly or rushing a process may yield an unwanted result.  I’ll share one of my own favorite “gap stories” with you here.  I usually don’t rush.  I did when I bought a little red Honda some years back.  I thought it would be just right, and didn’t listen well enough or long enough to my body’s message:  “This car doesn’t fit me.”  I thought, “Oh, it’ll be fine.”  Not!  Very not fine, in fact.  My right knee got all cattywampus, and I had to go to physical therapy.  There was nothing wrong with the car; we simply were not a match.  I hurried.  Even when I know better…I rushed to close the gap between desire and manifestation.   The reason?  I saw someone else drooling over the car I was considering.  I didn’t use my great reasoning power, forgetting to remind myself that there are a gazillion little red Honda Civics around, and that the right one will pop up if it’s a good thing for me to have.  No…I rushed.  I said something like, “Oh, I really better get that car now before it gets snatched away.”  Not a wise thought.  Sometimes it is very wise to act quickly, yet usually its not.  The process…the steps, when in the right place…will bring good results.   Scarcity thinking creates gaps or urges us to rush prematurely into decisions.  Sufficiency thinking is more peaceful and inspiring.

O.k….so I learned a painful lesson.  I wish I’d never bought the dern thing.  So when I accepted fully that no adjustments were going to fix the “fit” problem, I began to do the kind of search I love for all of us to do when closing the gap.  Here it is:  I wanted to have a very comfortable car that fit my body very well.  That was the desire and need.  (A very healthy one, of course.)  So, having learned from my red-car booboo, I decided to really find out what was out there and what would serve me well.  Know what I did?  I test drove 52 cars!  Yup…52!  I met car dealers all over the metro area.  I met ethical ones, really helpful ones, ones that knew far less than I did about their car (I’m kind of a car nut), and salesfolk I’d prefer live in a foreign country…out on a desert with no car dealership icky stuff to aim at people.  (I simply walked away if any of that came near me.) 

Back to the car search.  I got very comfortable with the gap, knowing there was no need to hurry, and that I could even lease a car for awhile if I couldn’t find the exact “good enough” one.   However, I did.  I found a Toyota Camry with an electric seat and feather-touch steering.  Perfecto!  It fit my body beautifully.  I got the model I loved in white, with a pretty (and practical) light-brown interior.  And I purchased the car at a dealership that treated me with respect and care.  My sales person, Steve, ran around the limited edition Camry lot with me, giving me keys to 7 cars so I could find the one I liked best.  (By the way, this was at Seeger Toyota in St. Louis.  Steve Silverstein.)  I was offered a reasonable trade in for the red demon that hurt my knees, so this was good.  Of course, I’d done research ahead of time, so I knew generally what they paid for my new beloved Camry.  Having lots of information and new experience is a great gap-closer. 

I love cars, and may open a separate coaching niche on car buying.  I love to  coach people on car-buying; I’ve helped several women do this already…and my husband as well.  Very fun!

More later on what creates gaps.  Hope you enjoyed my “gap story.”  Be sure to do your exercise if you haven’t done it yet.  Then you may have a story to tell, too!  A happy, fulfilling one, I hope. 

Blessings to you,

    Your Gap Coach, Nicki